I love you, but apparently know why I won’t

Funny little study.

Some researchers got a bunch of people who had recently began dating someone. Both males and females. They then asked the participants to do two things:
1. Rate the likelihood that you and your new partner will be together after 6 months
2. Regardless of when you breakup, for what reasons do you think you would breakup

So all fine and dandy. The researchers go back 6 months later for a little follow up.

And what do they find? Apparently people are terrible at predicting a relationship’s probability of lasting. What they are good at, however, is predicting why the relationship would fail.

Lessons? This goes back to a post I did earlier on a Cabbie’s Wisdom. There’s likely some merit to giving more weight to the reasons we don’t like someone and trying not to be as blind to those reasons or ignore them at the beginning of a relationship.

 

Thoughts?

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5 Comments

Filed under All posts, Thoughts, studies and science

5 responses to “I love you, but apparently know why I won’t

  1. Amy

    I (somewhat) agree. I’d say people date blindly, but wilfully blindly. The fact of the matter is that you can exercise said cabbie’s wisdom and still go through with a relationship. And in my view that is exactly what people do.

    Think about it. If we exercised our rationality every time, there’d be a significant limitation in pleasure and enjoyment. You can throw down red flags as much as you want right off the bat. Most people do, myself included. Hence having an idea why, when forced to answer that question, things won’t (or probably won’t) work out. But at the end of the day an inkling v. certainty are two different things.

    And the likelihood of you finding someone that you CAN withstand is pretty rare, not to mention timely. Hence, relationships v. marriage. And even then, it’s not guaranteed.

    The better question to ask is at what point do you know what you cannot stand, and what you ABSOLUTELY cannot stand? I’d say its a stopwatch and a spectrum with you trying to figure out when to pursue and when to break it off. And that discovery could come at any point in time.

    Stig Leschly once said, “if you factor in every aspect of a decision, we are all optimizing uncertainty”. I think he had a great point. In life, there are no absolutes. As far as human beings go, we’re far from static creatures–uncertain ones at best. You may notice, but not know (for sure) what you will and won’t withstand. So, flag as you go, but don’t speak too soon.

    After all, you gotta enjoy the wave.

    • I agree that throwing caution to the winds begets more excitement in life. And that excitement is awesome. I just think we can be less hurt or surprised when things don’t work out for the best.

      I think I remember some random dude saying “‘Tis better to have loved and lost, than never to have…” yadda yadda yadda. Haha.

  2. Amy

    Haha nice throwback. And point taken. But then again, if it didn’t work out, it probably *was* for the best. (I realize you probably didn’t mean that literally though lol).

    Best breakup/ relationship advice I ever received was simply “remember WHY you broke up”. It stops you from going back to the “good times” and sentimental stuff which often gets in the way of moving forward.
    Not always easy, but it’s a quick and simple mind trick to help you on your way.

    Hope for the best, and expect reality ;).

    Keep up the good posts.

  3. Pingback: The Bachelor Canada Panel: And the final rose goes to.... - Macleans.ca

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